Course XVII - Teaching 11: Difficulties in Prayer

Certain souls complain sometimes and say they cannot meditate because their exercise is heavy and they get bored, and ask of their Superior a lighter routine of spiritual discipline. Superiors also observe how methods of meditation do not result according to their expectation in all cases; they do not see an evident advance in prayer and there is an apparent stagnation. After a moment of enthusiasm there is unconcern, weariness and boredom; very few people persevere and many are inconstant. But though you do not pursue an immediate end, an exercise of meditation, practiced methodically, always leads to a result necessarily; and at certain moment of your life, spontaneously you get consequences of your spiritual asceticism.
In spite of this, asceticism is not as it should be, that is to say, a total transformation of the souls. In the ascetic-mystical path, difficulties of different kinds can show up, but fundamentally there are two types of difficulties; the first type is related to all inherent troubles and setbacks of the very asceticism. The latter are logical and convenient, since they are a part of this asceticism. The second, nothing has to do with asceticism, and derives from a fundamental position of the Son in regard to his vocation and his position.
It is indispensable to differentiate with clarity these two types of problems. If you do not differentiate them, this produces rapidly a significant inner disorientation, and feelings of stagnation and failure.
It is fundamental to discern clearly and exactly the motivation and source of difficulties and attitudes of the soul in order to guide them definitely toward the achievement of their spiritual vocation.
The Son must be one Unity so that his orientation is complete by resulting in transformation –one complete unity in regard to his own feelings, efforts, yearnings, life and vocation. Otherwise, his asceticism shall be discontinuous, his efforts shall be opposite, and he shall find very difficult to take part in the Spiritual Cafh’s life.
If the Son turns Cafh into one of his own things, then his life cannot be centered on himself because Cafh shall be something to him, but not himself. If the Son is one Unity, then creative word, example, peace and radiating presence flow from this Unity. Otherwise, the Son is discontinuous efforts and sporadic idea, that is to say, by advancing, stopping and going back. In this way, one cannot take part substantially in the Great Current, for while one takes part in it, later collides with it. So, sometimes souls feel dissatisfied.They believe sincerely to take part in meditation, method or whatever external thing, but really they are dissatisfied with themselves. Commonly, they dispose of a responsibility they are not ready to assume.
Also, sometimes, though certain souls devote themselves to Cafh with enthusiasm, also have troubles in their spiritual development. Enthusiasm is a quite personal feeling, which emerges from satisfactions that are personal too. This is certain euphoria experienced when one takes Cafh’s Gifts. If behind this there is not a true vocation of Renunciation, this enthusiasm lasts for a short while, and you start wasting your time in quest of the source of your conflicts in how you are practicing your spiritual exercises, in your external problems, and so on. That is to say, you enquire about an immediate cause, when in fact the true root lies in your lack of vocational awareness.
While the Son is driven by a power that is not totally impersonal and unselfish, he shall find with difficulty certain fullness in his mystical asceticism. To live Renunciation is to live detached, without personal illusions and expectations. It is to live with the Divine Mother alone. But sometimes, the Divine Mother’s presence is even further solitude, because it may be dark presence, non-presence and ignorance of the Divine Essence, and finally is only knowledge about duties, routine and daily task. Few souls are ready to give all; few souls are ready to give themselves completely. Few souls are ready to jump over their tiny troubles and sorrows in order to live the Substantial Union with the Divine Mother trough a prayer of Renunciation.